you used me, you lied to me, you hurt me, you played games, you embarassed me, you broke my heart... everything you promised you'd never do. you told me when i was ready to fall for you to "close my eyes and let go". you caught me briefly then you just throw me on the floor, rip my heart out, stomp on it and walk away laughing? how could you. i was nothing but good to you. why would you? i told you im fragile and i couldn't take another heart break. you even fooled my family into thinking you were my prince charming... why? you could have just left me alone. i was content and learning how to be happy with myself. now you've destroyed me and left me here alone...

fuck you, fuck this apartment, fuck the memories...

i love you.

pretty heart
broken girl
all alone in this cold, cruel world.

pretty girl
broken heart
there's never light, its always dark.

she can't depend upon a friend
cause they weren't there untill the end.

alone in her head, thoughts lonely and rapid.
eating her mind like a tab of acid.
and everyone wonders why its this way she acted.

depressed and opressed
the tears never supress.

everyday life a constant reminder
that no one is there standing behind her.
no one stands next, to the front or the side
she stands all alone with no pride as she cries.

quick someones coming
the pain she must hide.
smile and nod, pretend everythings fine.

look to the sky and pray for a sign...
but not one hint or one clue it'll be "just fine".

broken girl sometimes wished shed just die...

although i haven't made it out of this apartment or this fucking bed yet and its 1 pm im still optimistic about the rest of the day / night. i haven't gotten all glamed up and been to a bar / club since me and wayne have been together but im going shopping with casey, and were going to beer blast @ pure tonight! yay. of course while im shopping i have to pick wayne up a pair of sneakers to keep him happy and content. maybe he won't bitch about me going out? sneakers are the key to his heart.

i can't wait to have fun and take lots of pictures like i used to.

im starving, i haven't eaten in 3 days ;\

ummm im sick of this apartment... in more ways than one. i can't wait till we move & i can't wait for becca to come home. i think she'll be home sunday. i remember when i used to go on "family vacations". somehow they always ended in mayhem. [and my parents wonder why im such a mess now?] its been years & im pretty sure the next family vacation ill go on will be my own... in 5 years when i have my own family to take. [unless i tag along on a friends family vacation. oh wait... i don't have friends anymore. just a few aquaintances.]

anywho. tomorrows payday! its disgusting how much i love money. and these days i've been seeing a lot of it. ;] i have everything i want & get everything i ask for. i love him.

and just when i thought the sun would never shine again he came and put the color inside of my world ;]

long story short, after being with a scum bag who treated me like shit for 6 years, after i went to jail and my life fell apart, after i sort of deceived one of my friends [because i had the biggest "crush" on the guy she cheated on all the time & treated like shit...] i lost all the rest of my friends . but in the end... its me who wins.

i got the guy, my life is back in order [almost], i go to work everyday, i finally opened a bank account [& there's money in it!] i smile everyday, he treats me like a queen, i have everything i ever wanted. and im happy. [for the most part]

get to know me; my life revolves around myself [the queen], wayne [my king] and one true friend [becca].

im a recovering addict / alcoholic. and honestly... not by choice. but like wayne said "you'll understand & thank me for it some day." i am thankful for him, and everything he does for me and pushes me to do for myself. he's amazing. and im so glad he told me to "go for what you want." which at that time was him. he was definitely not boyfriend matieral, but eye candy. now look... we've been together about a month, he hasn't cheated on me which i know for a fact. were on top and were building an empire. and a great life together ;]

i've never been happier.


anywayssss, im @ work. i don't feel good, im aggravated. and the thought of using keeps crossing my mind ;\ blah.

get me out of here.

enjOy my LiFE!

and  fuck off.

=]